‘The Hills’: A Whole Season in a Single Trailer..

As if sensing our fatigue with its omnipresent marquee show, MTV has released a fresh, tear-stained trailer for The Hills designed to convince everyone that its premiere next month heralds a whole new thorny web of intrigue. And we're trying to feel excited, but we've been burned before: Last season devolved into boring retread conversations and anticlimactic three-word confrontations. So pardon our cynicism, but we're fairly sure this teaser — with its taupe love interests, melodramatic one-liners, and ruined mascara — is less a jumping-off point for awesomeness than a souped-up Cliffs Notes reel full of false hope. But to be sure, we ran the trailer through our internal Hills montage-defragging machine to try to interpret the actual path of these "plot twists" — watch for yourselves and see if you agree with our analysis.